Of pot stirring and the 8th Commandment

This morning I'm reflecting on pot stirrers. I'm sure you know some. They enjoy creating drama in the lives of those around them by stirring up relationships. They throw a few bitter herbs into the pot and whisk it around, no matter if their witches' brew poisons those around them. Let me illustrate.

I was talking to a friend recently, I'll call her Jane, about a relationship problem in her life. It began with a "friend," Sally, who repeated something she said about a mutual friend, Ann. There was no malice in Jane's comment, but Sally told Ann and created a serious problem. Unfortunately, Ann listened to pot stirrer Sally and never called Jane to ask, "What gives?" If she had, the situation might have been resolved and blown over quickly instead of becoming a big deal. If Sally only did this one time, it would be an unfortunate mistake, but Sally is an experienced pot stirrer who seems to relish the commotion of stirring a bubbling pot and watching it boil.

As Christians, we recite the ten Commandments and think we keep them because we don't kill, cheat on our spouses, rob banks, or lie under oath. But other lesser sins sometimes fly under our radar screens, particularly with the eighth commandment that rules the tongue. Calumny and slander (lying and ruining another's good name) and detraction (telling negative truths without necessity that damage others) are common sins against this commandment and can be seriously wrong, i.e. mortally wrong. And the pot stirrer is a champion of detraction. If challenged she is likely to say, "Well, it was true after all." as if that excuses the damage caused.

I've known many pot stirrers in my life. They will inflate a puff of air into a cyclone and enjoy watching the commotion. What a sense of power! It seems to be a particular temptation of women (sorry, ladies). Perhaps the pot stirrer has a subliminal desire to cause a rift between mutual friends so she can be the "bestest" friend of all. When I taught fourth grade, pot stirring created a daily drama among the girls that usually resulted in one or two crying during recess. The pot stirrer, I think, is stuck in middle school adolescence.

There's an antitdote to pot stirring. I made a resolution years ago to repeat every praise I hear about others and never repeat a negative. If someone tells me how kind Jane was when she did so and so, I will be sure to tell Jane about how much her act was appreciated. If, on the other hand someone tells me something negative about Ann, I will promptly drop it down the memory hole. Life is hard enough without creating more problems for people.

I have no doubt that everybody has pot stirrers in their lives. Some are as close as family, others are among a group of friends. A good strategy is to call the pot stirrer out with the question, "Why are you telling me this?" If she can't get you stirred up, she may just drop her spoon.