Sunday Meditation: The Nature of Love

I recently read an article about courtly love in the Middle Ages that began, "Love is the universal feeling." (my emphasis) Is that an accurate statement? If it is, then -- can one also say that "hate" is a universal feeling...or anger...or the desire for vengeance? 

We all experience feelings, but is that really the nature of love? Is love and the proof of love found in our feelings? If it is, there's a big problem! Feelings come and go. Does love come and go as well according to our feeling of the moment? C.S. Lewis in his writing reminds his readers:‎

‎‎Don't bother too much about your feelings. When they are humble, loving, brave, give thanks for them; when they are conceited, selfish, cowardly, ask to have them altered. In neither case are they you, but only a thing that happens to you. What matters is your intentions and your behavior.

I don't think this means that feelings are unimportant. They play a role or God wouldn't have given us our emotions. We'd all be like Mr. Spock in the Star Trek series. Our emotions can draw us toward others. Compassion can instill in us a desire to relieve pain and suffering. Righteous anger can arouse the desire to serve justice. But our feelings always need to be under the control of our intellect and will.

So what about love? What does the dictionary say about it? Webster offers two parts of speech for the word: noun and verb. The noun describes love as a "feeling;" the verb as an action. What actions show love? Yesterday's feast day was for St. Frances of Rome. She showed love toward the poor by helping them and instructing them in the faith. All of the saints, even the contemplatives served by actions, actions motivated primarily by their love of God. Their actions demonstrated their love of both God and neighbor and also their faith. "Show me your faith, I'll show you my actions," says St. James. The same can be said of love. 

Parents show their love by caring for the family. Dad works to provide the means to provide for his wife and offspring. His most sublime action/duty is to lead the family to God. Mom's duties include supporting her husband and carrying out, with his help, all the things that make family life run smoothly. She plans meals, does laundry, drives carpools, comforts and instructs her children, etc. Read about the ideal wife in Proverbs. She is busy and industrious.

Parents sacrifice many things so the family can afford school expenses, music lessons, sports, and other enrichment activities. Vacations are often family events. Parents' time is taken up with coaching, attending school and sporting events, etc. All of these parental activities certainly involve the noun of love, affection for their children, but even more the verb. It's in the doing for each family member that show their love.

And there are other acts of love: visiting sick and suffering family members and friends, attending funerals to pray for the dead, spending our "treasure" to help the poor and suffering -- all the actions of the corporal and spiritual works of mercy.

Children's actions also show their love. I remember visiting our son in grad school. He  had a tiny apartment with one bed. He gave his bed up for me when I visited. A granddaughter offered to seal the stairs going down to our pool and spent a hot summer afternoon with a paint brush when she could have been enjoying her own pursuits. Our son and one of his boys and our two son-in-laws helped build our chicken coop, and I think of them and thank God when I collect the eggs, often wearing the chicken boots I received as a gift from our family in Texas. 

The Newborn Child by Theodore Gerard (1829-1895)

I particularly remember a surprise Queen-for-a day-birthday party for me organized by our daughter and a 40th wedding anniversary celebration complete with a video from all five of our children with the theme of the exercise program "Bring It." We have two granddaughters who write us lovely thank-you notes for various things. Every letter is like a kiss. Our little crochet experts make us creative critters. The mom of our little great-grandson sent us pictures of all the ultra-sounds during her recent pregnancy. Our daughter is doing the same with our youngest grandson due in June. What a joy to see our little grandson and great-grandson in their first months of life. All of these actions take the noun of love and turn it into a verb that warms our hearts. 

Scripture tells us God is Love, but what did that love do? Did God stay in his heaven saying, "I love you?" Well...yes...but His love didn't end there with words. St. John tells us:

For God so loved the world, as to give His only begotten Son; that whosoever believeth in Him, may not perish, but may have life everlasting. (John 3:16)

"Give!" It's a verb. And God keeps on giving every day of our lives. Sometimes the giving is painful as we experience suffering: sickness, the death of loved ones, persecution, etc. But even that suffering is an opportunity to join (a verb) our sufferings to the cross of Christ. One of our greatest actions is to work (another verb) to conform (and another) our wills to the will of God.

I will close with a quote from St. Augustine:

What does love look like? It has the hands to help others. It has the feet to hasten to the poor and needy. It has eyes to see misery and want. It has the ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of men. That is what love looks like.

To sum it all up, I will repeat: true love is seen in the desire and resolution to conform our wills and actions to the will of Almighty God. May these final weeks of Lent, draw us nearer to that challenging goal. And let us rejoice on this Laetare Sunday for the tremendous time of preparation Lent offers to experience more fully the Passion, Death, and Resurrection of our Lord -- the actions that demonstrate so graphically God's love for us!

Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us.

Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us.