Magnificat of Dissenters

I'm working on the quarterly issue of the Les Femmes newsletter with a lead article on the latest protestant revolution in the Church. It occurred to me as I was researching and writing, that the heretics have their own twisted Magnificat. And so I decided to write it down using the "nuns on the bus" as the speakers.

The Magnificat of the Nuns on the Bus

My soul proclaims the greatness of the earth mother,
and my spirit rejoices in the media's adoration.
For C-Span, CNN, and the New York Times have looked with favor on sister celebrities.

Henceforth, all generations will call us blessed crying, "We're All Nuns now!"
For the Huffington Post has done great things for us
And we've sold lots of t-shirts.

The goddess Gaia pours out blessings on all who march for the wetlands
in every generation.

She has shown the strength of her arm at the School of the Americas
and has scattered the patriarchal old men in Rome who dare to correct us.

She has filled Youtube with videos about us
and thousands like us on Facebook and Twitter.

She has come to the help of the Leadership Conference of Women Religious
remembering her promise to promote women's ordination, the new age, and global warming,
the promise she made to our mothers, women who play mass pretending to be priests forever.

Glory be to Gaia, Sophia, and Astarte,
As it was when we first lost our faith, is now when we've lost our minds, and will be forever in hell if we don't repent.

Amen