The Silent Saints: Heroes Among Us!

Our Lady, Health of the Sick

A few days ago I posted Love in the Trenches, about my dear friend and his wife who are taking care of his wife's mother as she nears the end of her life. What a challenge they have since she has dementia and often carries on like a two-year-old having a tantrum: throwing things, screaming, taking off her clothing. What a good time this is to meditate on how our own mothers cared for us when we were babies and toddlers... and teenagers. Parents put up with a lot while rearing their children! 

These dear caregivers haven't forgotten. They are among the silent saints who choose someone else over their own comfort and convenience. Please, readers, pray for them and all those caring for their loved ones at home. I have known several, and am ashamed to say that often it didn't even occur to me to offer help and respite care. We've done it a few times, but not enough. 

Not everyone has the health or physical stamina to do what my friend and his wife are doing. God bless them for committing themselves to this vulnerable, suffering, soul. May their hearts and souls experience the peace and comfort of knowing they are caring for Jesus in his most distressing disguise as Mother Teresa often said about the poor and dying. “I have an opportunity," she often said, "to be with Jesus 24 hours a day.” How did she do it, people often asked. "I pray," she answered.

Here are several updates from my friend as the struggle continues during these days of Lent. I think sharing their experiences is a way for my friend to process what they are going through. I think his sharing of their journey of suffering can be beneficial to others who may be going through similar challenges with loved ones. 

Their reward will be great in heaven.

Update for February 22nd

I fell almost a month ago as I pushed Mom's wheelchair about so I could show her the outside, I just opened the front door for her.  It was cold so I closed it and started to wheel Mom about when I fell.  Not hard but I twisted myself and fell on my left side.  It's been a month now on  2/22/23. 

I still had to lift Mom up and down during showers and toilet and bed and wheelchair; so the side hasn't healed well. 

We decided to stop having mom in the shower because she would go (Operation Rescue) limp and cast herself down and lunge forward.  She doesn't know what she is doing.  She'd also do the same thing on the toilet, so diapers were necessary. 

Now Mom's room was empty of furniture. I had reversed the locks of her bathroom, closet, and bedroom doors because she would climb out of bed and scoot about her bedroom at all hours of the night causing our cameras to catch her and alert us. Locking her bedroom door kept her from scooting about the house where she would previously walk about all hours of the night opening and closing drawers everywhere and putting their contents all over the place.  Again, she has no idea what she is doing, not responsible.

We had previous opportunities to get us a Respite with our county. They have places for people to stay for a few days so the caregivers can get a slight break, but neither me nor my wife would let Mom go away as we felt she really needed us.

It's a month tomorrow since I fell and I'm way behind in my work and neither my wife or I have gotten much sleep. 

Another opportunity came yesterday to have Mom stay in Respite care for a few days and both my wife and I agreed that there is nothing more we can do for Mom, and our own health has suffered greatly. I'm not healing, and we are both physically beat, but Mom has it much much worse.

So although Mom was in Respite Care in Charles County, we both woke up at 2:00 a.m. the time we normally check on Mom. Then eventually we fell asleep a few hours later. We got up and came downstairs at 8:00 a.m.

We called the Respite Care this morning. The attending nurse there said Mom was very active last night and totally nude when they entered her room.  They said Mom seemed agitated, but eventually settled down as they attended to her.

Mom still has not consumed any food or water except for the Snack Pack of pudding, less than 2 oz of water and finally the Eucharist which I was able to have the priest next door give Mom after their "Minister of Holy Communion" avoided doing it for many weeks. 

YES, I'm an IDIOT. 

YES, I ticked off quite a few people: a priest, a deacon, who knows who else and how many times. The result was to get my mother In-law Holy Communion before she passes away. 

God will judge me.  There are so many sins I can't count or even remember how many, but I'm still a Catholic and as long as I live, salvation can be mine once again.

Update for February 26 

Seems my dear Mother-in-law is now having Apnea. Mom is not been drinking much now for 3 weeks now she can't drink even a syringe one might use to feed a baby liquid medicine.  Today I gave her 2 syringes of water and 1 half water and chocolate protein drink combo.  

She is expelling about a quart of fluid I have no idea where that comes from. 

Mom was feisty even last night trying to remove her PJ's, and climbing out of the bed.  We could never have had a stomach tube inserted.  She won't tolerate that.  Something many might think horrid, depriving anyone of food and water, but many situations are different.  A dementia patient's normal activities are to take off their clothes, escape, run away, see things that aren't there and to not see things that are.  They hit, kick, scream all hours of the day and night and seemingly have this superhuman strength in their arms.  Mom is now less than 80 pounds not having eaten enough to survive for weeks, but she has and we both are very happy and very sad she has lived and suffered this long.   Sad she suffers so.  And my wife, her daughter, suffers with her also.  My heart breaks for Mom and my wife Jean.  Mom screams very often from pain and discomfort. We try to help mom however we can.  

We constantly pray for Mom, and ask Padre Pio, Mother Teresa, and the Blessed Virgin Mary our Mother to take our prayers through Jesus to God our Father, and ask Him to take Mom directly to Heaven no side trips. 

Again I beg readers to pray for my friend and his wife. They have chosen a difficult path, certainly a Lenten Way of the Cross. I'm sending my guardian angel to pray with theirs like the angel came and ministered to Christ in the garden during his passion. May we all have a heart for the suffering ones who live among us, often unknown and unseen, and for their caregivers. May God give them all courage, strength, and perseverance.

Our Lady, Health of the sick, pray for us.

Our Lady, Help of Christians, pray for us.