(Dr. Bill has just examined Jenny Jones and they are walking into his office. He sits behind a desk and she sits down in a chair opposite.)
Dr. Bill: Well, well, I'm delighted to say that you are in excellent health. (He chuckles.) If you were a thoroughbred, my dear, I'd bet on you at the races. Now, just let me write this prescription for you and I'll see you in three months. (Begins writing on a prescription pad.)
Jenny Jones: (looking puzzled) Why do I need a prescription if I'm in "excellent health." What's it for?
Dr. Bill: (Looking at her over the top of his glasses.) Oh, it's for your boyfriend.(Hands her the prescription.)
Jenny Jones: (Looking at it) I don't understand. You mean he should take it?
Dr. Bill: (Chuckling) No, it's for you. (Talks to her as though she's a slow child.) Well, well, you're a healthy, FERTILE young woman and this will take care of that (He winks.) if you get my meaning.
Jenny Jones: (Tries to hand him back the prescription.) But, Doctor,....
Dr. Bill: (Picks up the pill package insert and lets it unfold. It drops open several feet.) Here's the list of risks and contraindications. Wouldn't want to be sued, you know. My insurance is too high already. (He hands it to her.)
Jenny Jones: (She reads silently shaking her head.) I'm not taking this.
Dr. Bill: (Sounding disappointed, accepts the folder from her.) Oh...well, some women don't like the idea of taking medicine every day when they aren't sick. (Cheering up.) But there are other alternatives. He goes through things on the desk until he finds what he's looking for) Ah, here it is. (He holds up a small device shaped like a T with threads hanging from it.) This is Mirena, a man's best friend. (gestures with his hands) I'll just insert this up your little coochie snorter and into the uterus and you and your partner will be set for five years. (He hands it to her.)
Jenny Jones: (She holds it up to the light and looks at it curiously.) What is it?
Dr. Bill: An IUD. Neat little device, eh? Insert it and forget it.
Jenny Jones: How does it work?
Dr. Bill: Hmmm.... Well, actually, we don't know exactly. It releases hormones...(looks through papers on his desk as he speaks, finds a pamphlet, opens it and uses his finger to scroll down the page and find what he's looking for. Reads...) "It may thicken your cervical mucus, thin the lining of your uterus, inhibit sperm movement and reduce sperm survival...may stop release of your egg from your ovary, but this is not the way it works in most cases. Most likely, these actions work together to prevent pregnancy." (Looks up and smiles cheerfully.) There, you have it. (He hands the pamphlet to her.)
Jenny Jones: (Looks at it then reads) Possible side effects: "Pelvic Inflammatory Disease...Life-threatening infections...embedment...perforation...cysts on the ovaries" (Angry, she stands and hands Mirena back.) What do I look like - a guinea pig?
Dr. Bill: (Trying to mollify her.) No need to get upset, Miss Jones. There's always condoms, gels, the sponge, ...
Jenny Jones: Enough! (She pulls a hairpin out of her upswept hairdo and hands it to Dr. Bill.) Stick that up your (indecipherable). (She walks toward the door, stops, turns around, and says in a firm voice.) By the way, it's MRS. Jones and I came today to confirm my pregnancy and begin prenatal care.
Dr. Bill: (Nonplussed) Oops...must have mixed up the charts. (Brightening) Well, just make an appointment for next month.
Mrs. Jones: In your dreams! (She slams the door on her way out.)
Dr. Bill: (Yells) Nurse!
A very good skit.
ReplyDeleteBrava!
ReplyDeleteExcept...it doesn't sound like fiction. In fact, I think I had a doctor in Chicago with almost exactly the same shtik...
Not that I gave him the hairpin or anything.
Athanasius
Good afternoon!
ReplyDeleteI thought you might be interested in this one...
Protestants have always embraced contraception. However, one very close friend of mine, a fundamentalist Christian who home-schooled her children (all of whom turned out wonderful - 2 in the Marines, 1 earning 4.0 GPA at a local University, and another doing missionary work in a not so nice neighborhood in New York City -- I digress... She said to me recently at a Right to Life dinner that the Catholics are so right on this issue -- she went into such great detail on how the "choice" of contraception is nothing but a lie that women live, and how that choice has evolved into the murderous "choice" of abortion - just part of that slippery slope that has turned into a downhill ice-covered tobogan slide!
God bless,
Mary
Last year American Life League launched Protest the Pill Day '08: The Pill Kills Babies. We encouraged people to hold local protests against the birth control pill and other birth control products outside of Planned Parenthood clinics, pharmacies, etc...and educated people on the abortifacient effects of the pill. This year, on June 6, we will be focusing on how the pill can kill women and cause other horrible side effects.
ReplyDeleteWe have also updated our website, so be sure to visit it: www.ThePillKills.com.
Marie Hahnenberg
Dear Mary: Actually, Protestants have only embraced contraception - or swallowed it, if you'll forgive me - for a comparatively short time.
ReplyDeleteProtestantism with institutional structures began early in the 16th c. & so is just short of 500 years old. It was only in 1930 that the Anglican Lambeth Conference became the first such Protestant structure formally to endorsed contraception, tho even then only for married couples, & only under certain circumstances (which was promptly repudiated by Pope Pius XI in his superb encyclical Casti Connubii).
The slow but steady Protestant philosophical descent into moral chaos has arguably been the result, but is in any event its present objective condition.
Even so, for longer than 80% of its institutional life, Protestantism endorsed the repudiation of contraception that, from the time of Christ, has ever been the Christian wisdom regarding the Sacrament of Matrimony.
Antigon