I received this email from a friend in California whose mom recently died and herself experienced the suicide of an uncle last fall. Since our precious grandson took his life, many have shared their own stories of close family members who took this desperate way out to escape their pain. At this point there is little consolation from anything except, for me, to meditate on the suffering face of Christ, but the reaching out of friends has been like a lifeline. Thank you to everyone who is praying for our family and having Masses said for our darling Brendan. May God reward you for your kindness.
Mary Ann,
What you just wrote to me is precisely one of the greater goods that Our Lord is bringing from your and your family's suffering: an increased awareness of suicide. Your experience is more devastating because it has happened in your family with a precious young adult, your grandson, but no matter the age of the person who commits it, it is always devastating to surviving loved ones.
You're having a particularly bad day not just because you've been at [your daughter's] these past two days, but also because of your own grief, of remembering how you tried to go up to visit with and help Brendan. You and Larry have your own deep grief to deal with as well as your daughter's and other family members'. But, you have the faith and are strong, so you must also be strong for your family....
When my uncle shot himself last fall, I sent these quotes from the Catholic Catechism to my aunt and reminded her that it was not her fault that he killed himself. My aunt had had an argument with my uncle the night before he committed suicide, and she still feels so guilty about it.
Suicide
2280 Everyone is responsible for his life before God who has given it to him. It is God who remains the sovereign Master of life. We are obliged to accept life gratefully and preserve it for his honor and the salvation of our souls. We are stewards, not owners, of the life God has entrusted to us. It is not ours to dispose of.
2281 Suicide contradicts the natural inclination of the human being to preserve and perpetuate his life. It is gravely contrary to the just love of self. It likewise offends love of neighbor because it unjustly breaks the ties of solidarity with family, nation, and other human societies to which we continue to have obligations. Suicide is contrary to love for the living God.
2282 If suicide is committed with the intention of setting an example, especially to the young, it also takes on the gravity of scandal. Voluntary co-operation in suicide is contrary to the moral law.
Grave psychological disturbances, anguish, or grave fear of hardship, suffering, or torture can diminish the responsibility of the one committing suicide.
2283 We should not despair of the eternal salvation of persons who have taken their own lives. By ways known to him alone, God can provide the opportunity for salutary repentance. The Church prays for persons who have taken their own lives.
You're having a particularly bad day not just because you've been at [your daughter's] these past two days, but also because of your own grief, of remembering how you tried to go up to visit with and help Brendan. You and Larry have your own deep grief to deal with as well as your daughter's and other family members'. But, you have the faith and are strong, so you must also be strong for your family....
When my uncle shot himself last fall, I sent these quotes from the Catholic Catechism to my aunt and reminded her that it was not her fault that he killed himself. My aunt had had an argument with my uncle the night before he committed suicide, and she still feels so guilty about it.
Suicide
2280 Everyone is responsible for his life before God who has given it to him. It is God who remains the sovereign Master of life. We are obliged to accept life gratefully and preserve it for his honor and the salvation of our souls. We are stewards, not owners, of the life God has entrusted to us. It is not ours to dispose of.
2281 Suicide contradicts the natural inclination of the human being to preserve and perpetuate his life. It is gravely contrary to the just love of self. It likewise offends love of neighbor because it unjustly breaks the ties of solidarity with family, nation, and other human societies to which we continue to have obligations. Suicide is contrary to love for the living God.
2282 If suicide is committed with the intention of setting an example, especially to the young, it also takes on the gravity of scandal. Voluntary co-operation in suicide is contrary to the moral law.
Grave psychological disturbances, anguish, or grave fear of hardship, suffering, or torture can diminish the responsibility of the one committing suicide.
2283 We should not despair of the eternal salvation of persons who have taken their own lives. By ways known to him alone, God can provide the opportunity for salutary repentance. The Church prays for persons who have taken their own lives.
That last graph is the most important: We should not despair of the eternal salvation of persons who have taken their own lives. By ways known to him alone, God can provide the opportunity for salutary repentance. The Church prays for persons who have taken their own lives.
Try to hang on to that in these dark days ahead, Mary Ann. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Love,
[a friend]
2283 really strikes a cord - as you know, we were taught in Catholic grade school that heaven was beyond those who took their own lives. It really stayed with me and when my stepson took his life, I really struggled. Then, a week later, God spoke to me through a priest’s wonderful homily. He told the story of his early priesthood when a Pastor refused to give a a man a Catholic burial. He said he decided then and there - “Lord, I’ll send them up; You sort them out.” That was 22 years ago and I’ve never forgotten the comfort it gave me.
ReplyDeleteThanks Gigi, that made me cry. Brendan loved babies so much I can't believe a God who loves babies so much, even more than Brendan did, didn't recognize our darling boy as one of His own
ReplyDelete