It was a dark and stormy night in the Amazon

Remember Snoopy from the Peanuts cartoon and his eternal quest to write a book beginning with Bulwer-Lytton's classic opening, It was a dark and stormy night? Bulwer-Lytton was a British author who wrote exceptionally bad prose, and the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest is an annual event asking entrants to compose the worst possible opening sentence to a novel by using atrocious prose with terrible strings of adjectives ranging in categories from general to western, science fiction, romance and so on. Now a new genre has been added - the Amazon. It's in the religion category under the subcategory of heresy. 

Book title - Feathers: The Current State of the Amazonian (Catholic) Church 
Heresy hung heavy over Rome like a dank dark cloud of doom dripping its poison to form one giant river of Amazonian theology that flowed unimpeded through the Church with tributary streams to the parishes, trickling down to the soul of each and every man, woman and child, therefore, despite the flood of new pagan rituals, parish tree plantings and idol worship, the loss of faith soared.

"Heresy hung heavy over the diocese...."

Edward Bulwer-Lytton was a 19th century British author who wrote exceptionally bad prose, made famous in the modern era from the Peanuts cartoon character, Snoopy, and his eternal quest to write a book beginning with Bulwer-Lytton’s classic opening, “It was a dark and stormy night.” The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest is an actual annual event that asks entrants to compose the worst possible opening sentence to a novel by using bad prose with terrifying strings of adjectives ranging in categories from general to western, science fiction, romance, and so on. We thought there was a need for a religion category, with the sub-category of heresy. So here are our entries:

My favorite – the current state of the local Diocese:  Heresy hung heavy over the diocese like a dank dark cloud of doom dripping its poison to form one giant river of Modernism that flowed unimpeded through the diocese with tributary streams to the parishes, trickling down to the soul of each and every man, woman, and child, therefore despite the flood of new diocesan programs and policies, the loss of faith soared.