Remember, Alligator, That Thou Art Dust...

Really!? A Q-tip?

Topsy and Tuptim have escaped snow and ice in the north to enjoy a Winter holiday at a Florida wildlife preserve. Neither of them sleeps very well in a hotel and are bemoaning the bad dreams they had last night.

Topsy: I had such bad dreams last night and got so little sleep and had a terrible nightmare. I kept waking up screaming, "No God! No!! No-o-o. Pleeeease!" ...Didn't you hear me?

Tuptim: That was you? I thought it was me. I had nightmares too. What was your dream?

Topsy: I was following an alligator into his underwater den. Then everything got really crazy. It looked like an ugly modernist chapel.

Tuptim: Oh my gosh! That was my dream too except I was being chased by the alligator!

Topsy: Did you end up in a chapel? 

Tuptim: Yes!

Topsy: What did it look like?

Tuptim: I couldn't figure out whether I was in Orlando or LA. It reminded me of the West Coast Religious Ed Conference with a table and dancing girls and everything was purple! It was Ash Wednesday and it was so weird.

Topsy: And Cardinal Cupich was the celebrant? (Tuptim nods vigorously.)

Tuptim: And Father James Martin was the Master of Ceremonies. He was wearing a purple chasuble... 

Your End-Times IQ Exam

I love James Finn Garner. Recently I got his Apocalypse Wow! A Memoir for the End of Time off the shelf. In it he has a six-page Doomsday Final Exam with 24 questions and his multiple choice answers. The book was published in 1997 - twenty years ago - so I thought a bit of updating to 2017 would be fun.

1) What are the names of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse?
     a. War, Famine, Pestilence, and Death
     b. Jim, Ted, Blase, and Jorge 
     c. USCCB, LCRW, CCHD, and HRC
     d. Godfried, Christoph, Reinhard, and Walter