I Used to be Just a Regular Person

A normal regular guy racist, fascist, homophobic
xenophobe with his grandchildren

By J. White Harris

I used to think I was just a regular guy, but:

I was born white, which now, whether I like it or not, makes me a racist.

I am a fiscal and moral conservative, which by today's standards makes me a fascist.

I am a heterosexual, which according to gay people, now makes me a homophobic.

I am non-union, which makes me a traitor to the working class and an ally of big business.

I am a Christian which now labels me as an infidel.

I believe in the 2nd Amendment, which now makes me a member of the vast gun lobby.

I am older than 60, which according to today's youth, makes me less of a person than I used to be.

I think and I reason, therefore I doubt much of what the mainstream media tells me, which must make me a reactionary.
I am proud of my heritage and our inclusive American culture, which makes me a xenophobe.

I value my safety and that of my family and I appreciate the police and the legal system which makes me a right-wing extremist.

I believe in hard work, fair play, and fair compensation according to each individual's merits, which today makes me an anti-socialist.

I believe in the defense and protection of the homeland by and for all citizens, which now makes me a militant.

Recently a sick old woman called me and my friends "a basket of deplorables".

I want to thank all my friends for sticking with me through these abrupt new-found challenges in my life and my thinking.

I just can't imagine what's happened to me so quickly.

Funny...it's all just taken place over the last 7 or 8 years.

And if all that isn't enough to deal with, now I'm afraid to go into either bathroom.