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Saturday, January 28, 2012

Rebel Against the Culture: Value Virginity

We've reached a point in moral degradation where the only counter-cultural rebellion is to practice moral virtue. Nowhere is this more true than in sexual relationships. Women these days are, to many men (little boys really), nothing more than a board with a hole in it....or is that "broad." The term "hook-up" says it all where, on the morning after, one may not even remember the name or sex (in modern parlance "gender") or number of last night's "partners." Sadly, virginity has become a virtue of ridicule.

Yes, in the brave new world of sexual orgy, there's only way to rebel. Stay a virgin until marriage. Respect all the people you meet enough to focus on getting to know them intimately without touching. The "meeting of minds" is the beginning of true love, whether it's eros (sexual love) or filial (friendship) or the highest love, agape (love between God and man). We can only truly love the other who is known intimately. The lover who is not first a friend of the mind and heart is unlikely to be the true love.

The only way that true intimacy comes about is for minds and spirits, not bodies, to communicate intimately. Deep friendships are possible without sex and, in fact, sex can get in the way of developing deep friendships. When that happens sex becomes a danger because it can fool a person into establishing a permanent relationship, i.e., marriage (well, it used to be permanent) to the wrong person. The false intimacy of sex without true love goes a long way toward explaining the reluctance of young couples to marry and the breakdown of so many marriages after a short time. I know of too many marriages that don't last as long as the wedding planning. What does that say about the quality of those relationships?

Virginity protected by modesty is the greatest insurance against marital unhappiness. The idea that one can try marriage out by shacking up is an illusion borne out by the higher divorce rate among those who cohabit. So all you teenage rebels out there, fight against the prevailing culture by embracing virginity. It not only offers the best promise of marital happiness later, but it preserves you from sexually transmitted diseases and premarital pregnancy with its consequent temptation to abortion. Nothing illustrates the false love of fornication and adultery more than the eagerness to murder the "love" child conceived as a result of it.


Old Bob said...

I have friends with young daughters, and I would like to send this to them if I may.

Mary Ann Kreitzer said...

Thanks, Bob. Of course, please share it.

Anonymous said...

The Eternal Word Television (EWTN) channel has a wonderful program for older children and teens called "The Knights of St. Michael". I highly recommend it for young people.

Anonymous said...

Hello, I read your post and definitely agree. I want to point out, however, that the meeting of the mind and spirit may also lead to a false sense of intimacy. For example, I was about to marry someone I met through a faith sharing group. We were friends first, dated for six years, and were engaged for three. We waited to finish graduate school to get married since we believed that that would be the only way that we would not have children while in school (since we do not believe in sex before marriage or contraception). We agreed on nearly everything, and we prayed together every night. God seemed to have guided us toward marriage through a poignant answer to our prayers, which empowered me to weather the difficult times. Recently, my former fiance said that he felt God had guided him to marry, but not to me. He also re-interpreted our relationship, recanting nearly everything that I held dear in the relationship, distorting our memories. You can imagine my immense heartbreak and confusion because I felt no closer to anyone than to him. That this could have occurred when we had done everything that you wrote about in your blog makes me think that marriages and relationships can end albeit one did all the right things. This story reminds me of a friend who once advised me not to pray with my significant other until much later because prayer can make a couple feel immensely close. What are your thoughts?

Mary Ann Kreitzer said...

How painful for you. The fact that he "recanted everything" and distorted your relationship in memory is puzzling if he has integrity.

I hope you can be happy that you don't have the painful regret of having given him everything and then breaking up. And, in view of his changes, I hope you are breathing a sigh of relief at not marrying him. Have you seen the Jane Austen movie, Sense and Sensibility that quotes Shakespeare's sonnet. "Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds."

As for praying together, I don't think that can ever be a bad thing and perhaps it saved you from serious heartache down the road had you married him.

But nine years is a long time to date without commitment. And a three year engagement is awfully long. Do you think that could have contributed to the breakdown of the relationship?

One of my sons was taking a long time to make up his mind about marriage and I finally said, "She obviously wants to marry you. Don't you think it's time to fish or cut bait? If you don't want to get married let her move on." They now have been married about thirteen years and have four beautiful children.

I'm adding you to my rosary journal and will be praying for you. Since I don't know your name I'll dedicate you to the Blessed Mother and call you Mary.

Anonymous said...

Thank you, Ms. Kreitzer, for your prayers. I should have clarified: we were engaged after three years of dating. We knew we wanted to marry one another earlier on in the relationship, but we also knew that we were young and needed to finish school. When we first ended the relationship, I thought of as many reasons as I could for why it happened and what I could have done to prevent it. Ultimately, I really do not know what happened, but I hope he finds what he is looking for. I really do love him.