"To Have and To Hold from this Day Forward"

I recently read an article about the need for couples to make their relationship a top priority, especially when family life gets hectic and demanding. I couldn't agree more. A husband and wife are married to each other, not to their children. Of course the offspring are important, but, as the saying goes, "The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother; the best thing a mother can do for her children is to love their father." And love doesn't just happen; it needs to be cultivated.

Date night (or morning or afternoon) isn't a luxury; it's a necessity. Snatching other random moments for a glass of wine or cup of coffee together can be glue moments that bind you together a little at a time.

The bane of my life when the kids were young was arranging babysitting. It was also expensive. At different times I belonged to babysitting clubs where moms exchanged sitting duty. That was its own challenge since we took turns being secretary and arranging and recording the hours. I was glad when my oldest children could take responsibility for the younger. The ideal for families, of course, is the available grandparent or other loving and generous relative, but how many families live close enough to family members for that to happen? We didn't.

Dates can be anything from dinner and the theater (pricey) to a bike ride and picnic in the park (economical) to an evening at home sharing a favorite book or watching a movie holding hands and cuddling on the couch. And the necessity doesn't go away with old age. The babysitting challenge is gone but the intimate moments can't be ignored. A daily rosary prayed together is the sine qua non of a happy marriage. Fr. Patrick Peyton often said, "The family that prays together stays together." Even if the family scatters physically or even emotionally, the rosary calls. If there is family estrangement, the guardian angels are eager to come together and pray in unison for every member of the family and every need.

Marriage Encounter has a phrase -- married singles -- that points to a major disease infecting many couples. They may be walking in the same direction, but the roads they're traveling are often miles apart. My mom used an expression, "familiarity breeds contempt." Indifference can be just as painful and alienating.

My husband and I have a new project to keep our relationship thriving. I call it Gone for the Day after a book by a naturalist who used to take his sketchpad and go off into the wilds of Pennsylvania to observe and record. No matter the season, he found adventure and beauty. Our outings offer the same opportunity whether we enjoy the glories of a fall day miles from home or take a walk in a local park with conversation about something besides "the kids." 

Let me play Dear Abby here and urge every reader who's married to give your spouse a hug and an "I love you!" every morning. Don't miss an opportunity to pat your beloved passing his or her chair or offer a thank you for a kindness like clearing the table or emptying the dishwasher. These little acts of love are like sunshine and water that keep the garden of marriage in bloom. And if a wintery blast chills the marital landscape, make the effort to turn up the heat by confronting the situation early and resolving whatever separates you. Life is too short to waste it on anger and resentment. I've been there and done that and don't want to do it any more. We grow smart too late, but better late than never.

I look forward to our gone for the day adventures: praying the rosary in the car, laughing at a joke, sharing a happy memory, and just enjoying the time together exploring the world. Every day is a blessing from God not to be wasted. We always start our outings in prayer making up the "two or more together gathered in God's name." You can't get lost when you travel with God.

Have a blessed Tuesday!