Where is Your "Third Space?"

I'm sure many of my regular readers know I like the Epoch Times. I almost never read an issue without clipping an article to send to someone. Today it was this:

 Reclaiming the Third Space

I, like the author, had never heard the term, the Third Space, but, as I read, realized how much it hit the nail on the head. And what's more, it reminded me of the sitcom Cheers which I never watched much, but who doesn't recall from the theme song. "You wanna go where everybody knows your name."

So what exactly is the Third Space? Here's how Mollie Engelhart explains it:

The idea is simple. The first space is home. It is where our domestic identity lives. Family, rest, intimacy, and routine. The second space is work. It is where we contribute, produce, and create value. The third space exists in between. It is the neutral, shared place where people gather informally, without obligation or performance. Historically, these were cafés, churches, town squares, barber shops, libraries, local diners, pubs, and markets. Places where you could show up, be recognized, and belong without needing to achieve or prove anything....

Third spaces also offer something many of us are now missing: identity flexibility. They are places where we are not reduced to our roles—not just a parent, not just a worker. We are simply human among other humans. Without that middle space, identity collapses inward. Life becomes dominated by home and work alone. The brain narrows. Thinking becomes more rigid. Anxiety and loneliness increase, even when we are constantly connected online.

As I reflected on the article it occurred to me that the elderly are particularly isolated from the "third space" and, perhaps from all spaces. I remember being called by the nursing home where I visited weekly asking if I would come and sit with a dying patient whose son lived in Australia. I didn't know him, but Larry and I went and sat by the bed of the comatose man praying the rosary out loud and encouraging him to repent of any past sins and set his mind and heart on Jesus. They say the last sense to go is hearing, so we hoped our presence and our prayers helped his passage from death to new life. Is there people in our lives who are isolated and need us to create that "third space" for them?

What, I ask myself, are the third spaces in my life? The first that comes to mind is church. Almost every Sunday after Mass, Larry and I stay to enjoy coffee with other parishioners. One of the loveliest parts of that time is interaction with the children. I love the babies and happily lean over for a conversation with one of the littles. But I also love interacting with the older kids. Last Sunday three teenage siblings joined Larry and me to talk books. They like mystery stories and were eager to read more Sherlock Holmes. This Sunday, I will take them Volume II of the collected Holmes which includes a novel and lots of his short stories. I picked it up at a used book sale and and smile to think of it finding a happy home among these wonderful teenagers. 

Two other third spaces are a monthly dinner with a few friends and my participation in a "different kind of book club." There are only four or five of us at the monthly dinner, but it's always an enjoyable evening of chit chat and companionship. The book club is unusual because we don't read a prescribed book. We all share what we are reading. Occasionally, that results in my picking up a book I would never otherwise have known existed. I recently read The Frozen River by Ariel Lawhon, historical fiction about an 18th century midwife, Martha Ballard. It was so fascinating I went to Amazon and bought the biography the author mentioned in her afterward. 

For years we also belonged to a Chesterton book club with a regular attendance of about a dozen. Members volunteered to lead and we spent many happy hours and made some close friends because of it. We recently dropped out because of distance and a conflict with First Saturday Mass attendance. But we still think fondly of all the good times (and good meals) at the restaurants where we met.

During COVID I created what I now see as a "third space," a rosary lunch every two weeks. We were all frustrated with the forced isolation and decided to push back. No one was afraid of getting sick coming to my house and no one ever did. Eight or ten ladies simply joined together, unmasked, to laugh, share about faith and family, and then pray the rosary together. Someone recently asked if I was thinking about holding another rosary lunch which I do occasionally. Perhaps during Lent.

Engelhart ends her article which includes a discussion of Brownstone Institute's "supper clubs," with this:

What could be more important right now than gathering? Than discussing society face-to-face? Than forming relationships that exist beyond screens and algorithms?

The disappearance of the third space has left people lonely, anxious, polarized, and untethered. Rebuilding it is not nostalgia. It is neurological. It is cultural. It is human.

This is where we are starting—around a table, in a place where people are known, and with the hope that the third space can be reclaimed.

What's your third space, the place where "everybody knows your name?" I hope you have one, or several that not only provide a space, but a space that expands your heart and fills you with joy.