My husband and I have experienced two deaths in the past eight months, an older sibling in each family. Reflecting on death and the power of prayer makes me so grateful for the Catholic Church family. Whenever I ask for prayers, dozens of you respond immediately offering Masses and rosaries and who knows what other acts of charity for the requested needs? I thank you from the bottom of my heart!
I could feel those prayers last July when my sister died. They helped me keep an even keel during a stressful time. A psychiatrist friend told me once that the reason there are so many family fights during funerals is because people will experience any feeling in preference to grief. So there are arguments about anything and nothing. That happened when my dad died and happened magnified when my mom died. I suppose that was because her death was the end of a family era and it was only then that the family dealt with the disposition of her and my dad's earthly goods. Instead of grieving fight over the stuff!
Since my three older siblings are gone, I am now the matriarch in my family. It's a strange feeling. If we were oriental, the younger family members... siblings, children, grandchildren ... would see me as a wise and honored elder. The cultural tradition of the Orient is far different from American culture where children are often portrayed as smarter than their idiot parents with the right to ridicule and marginalize them, especially fathers. Think of Bart Simpson. How many movies show the kids rescuing the stupid adults? Home alone? Not so in Asian cultures where:
...aging is associated with wisdom, life experience, and a deep understanding of tradition and values. The elderly are revered for their knowledge and insight, which are considered invaluable assets to families and communities. This reverence for elders is deeply rooted in Confucianism and Buddhism, two philosophical and religious traditions that have shaped the social fabric of many Asian societies. [Source]
The one thing I can be thankful for, living in a culture that treats the elderly as expendable and useless, is the invitation it offers to humility. I pray the Litany of Humility almost every day. It includes all kinds of things that are painful and difficult. The prayer asks deliverance from the fear of being despised, calumniated, forgotten, ridiculed, and humiliated! You don't actually pray for those things; you pray not to fear them. Of course, the only way that can happen is for you to be subjected to them. Ouch!
That last one, not to fear being humiliated, reminds me of Fr. John Hardon who said one can only be humbled by being humiliated and only little, humble people go to heaven. So send on the humiliations, Lord! Help me to welcome them, because I sure want to go to heaven! And help me to say thank you to the people who are the source of insults and nasty comments realizing they are an instrument to achieve Your holy will in me if I don't get angry and resentful.
The litany also asks to be delivered from the desire of being loved, preferred to others, consulted, and approved. Whenever I experience an insult or rebuke, I want to remember that I prayed for it. Thank you, Lord, for answering my prayer! But really, Lord, why does this prayer seem to be the one most often answered? Praying for consolation seems to bounce off Your ear. Why is that, Lord? Do you desire me to be joined to You on the cross and united with the Blessed Mother's pierced heart? Give me the grace to say yes.
As I reflect on death I think of my own which is getting closer by the minute. Every Ignatian retreat I attended over the course of twenty years with Fr. James Buckley was a blessing. He described a saint who during his nightly examination placed himself in hell in his mind. He then asked God what he did that day to deserve it. Sobering thought, eh? What a reminder of how much we need prayers!
How I hope that everyone who knows me and even some who don't will be praying for me as I lie dying and evaluating my life and confessing my sins. Then, after I die, I hope family, friends, acquaintances, and even strangers will pray for me and ask others to pray for me as well. I need all the prayers I can get now, but will be even more desperate for prayers when I'm dying, and especially after I'm dead and likely sitting on the bench in Purgatory. When that happens, please tell everyone I'm dead and ask them to pray for me. I promise, in return, to pray for you and especially for those who shorten my time of atonement. I pray for the poor souls in Purgatory in the hope that they will pray for me before the throne of God.
Death is hard. The death of loved ones often brings out the worst in us. The best default position in my opinion is a piece of duct tape strategically placed over the mouth. I want to imitate Christ during His passion Who was silent and "opened not His mouth." Now if only my poor, wandering, elderly brain can remember and my quick temper be slowed to a stop. I'm putting my guardian angel on high alert and asking my patron saints to work overtime. Focus my mind, Lord on the four last things: death, judgment, heaven, and hell. Let me, above all, be a burning furnace of charity.
Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on me.
O Mary, Seat of Wisdom, pray for me.
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