Sunday Meditation: How Can We Be Happy in Heaven if Our Loved Ones Aren't There?

Funerals turn the minds of the faithful to the four last things: death, judgment, heaven or hell. That's not too surprising when you think about it. Even those who have little or no relationship with God must think about "What's next!" when they attend a funeral. "Is this really all there is?... Where is my loved one, friend, acquaintance, colleague now?...What will happen to me after I die?" 

One question that came up after my brother-in-law's funeral last Thursday was from a family member. He raised the question with his prayer group. Heaven is supposed to be a place of eternal happiness, but how can we be happy if our loved ones aren't in heaven with us? 

Have you ever had that thought? I have. And it's a reasonable question isn't it. It's hard to imagine being happy if a spouse, siblings, children, grandchildren, other beloved relatives and friends aren't there enjoying the Beatific Vision with us. Don't we all want to "meet merrily in heaven" as St. Thomas More said?

The answers in the prayer group weren't very satisfying. One person said basically those who go to hell get what they asked for which is obviously true.  If they didn't reject God and prefer Lucifer, they wouldn't be there. Another person said something to the effect that those happy in heaven won't really be thinking about the ones who didn't make it. I might not have that quite right, but it was something like that. Sounds like the souls in heaven get spiritual amnesia. You're so happy you won't think about those other folks you loved being in hell. Hmm.

 My husband and I were talking about the question as we traveled home. “Can we be truly happy if some of our loved ones aren’t in heaven?” Imagine how you would feel if a beloved son or daughter was condemned. Awful thought isn't it! 

Obviously, according to Catholic doctrine, we will be happy in heaven; but I agree that isn’t a very satisfactory answer. Besides, the Blessed Mother is in heaven, but in many apparitions she's weeping or sad. She loves her earthly children and wants to do everything she can to save us.

As Larry and I discussed the question further, it seemed to me that we have a lot to do with what happens to our loved ones after death. Isn't it likely that whether they're in heaven or not has something to do with us? How much do we want them to be there? What are we willing to do to help ensure they find the path and persevere even if they arrive at the eleventh hour?

I take courage from the Blessed Mother’s statement to the children at Fatima which seems to me to be the answer to the question. “Many people go to hell," she said, "because they have no one to pray for them.” Wow! Doesn't that remind one how important prayer is for those we love? And not just prayer!

So what do we need to do? Pray and sacrifice for our loved ones of course. If someone is sitting under a waterfall, it’s hard not to get wet even if you’re wearing a raincoat and holding an umbrella. Our prayers are like that waterfall. Are we giving our loved ones just a little trickle that bounces off the umbrella and the rain hat and leaves them untouched? Or are we soaking them in prayers and sacrifices so they can’t dry out and shrivel up? 

Think of the grace Christ offered to the woman at the well and the woman taken in adultery. Think of Mary Magdalene and many saints who received special graces because of friends. Think of St. Paul pursued by Christ Himself. Was the persecuted Christian community praying for him? Seems likely. Do you know the story of the miraculous conversion of Alphonse Ratisbonne, a wealthy Jew from a banking family? He accepted the challenge of a friend to wear the miraculous medal. Here's what happened next:

Ratisbonne, to show his superiority over Catholic “superstitions,” laughingly accepted the challenge and put the so-called miraculous medal around his neck. But his group of Catholic friends there in Rome was praying for his conversion. Meanwhile, unforeseen circumstances had forced Ratisbonne to postpone his departure from Rome. And so came January 20, 1842.

Ratisbonne found himself passing in front of the church of Saint Andrea delle Fratte, located between the Trevi Fountain and the Piazza di Spagna, when he felt an impulse to enter the church, where the funeral was being prepared for one of the friends who had been praying for him, the French Comte de la Feronnays, who died suddenly on January 17. 

“If at that moment (it was midday) [someone] had come to me and said, ‘Alphonse, in a quarter of an hour you will adore Jesus Christ, your God and your Savior; you will be prostrate in a poor church; you will beat your breast at the feet of a priest in a Jesuit convent where you will spend the carnival preparing for baptism, ready to lay down your life for the Catholic faith, and you will renounce the world, its pomp, its pleasures, your fortune, your hopes, your future … and you will no longer aspire to anything other than to follow Jesus Christ and carry his cross until death!… I would have judged only one man more senseless than he: the man who should have believed such folly possible! And yet it is precisely this folly that today constitutes my wisdom and my happiness.”

And Ratisbonne isn't the only one converted through prayer and sacrifice. Think of St. Monica's long prayer marathon for her son, Augustine.  Have you ever heard of Takashi Nagai, a physician in Nagasaki who survived the atomic bomb attack and ministered to the sick and dying in the city despite being sick himself? Much credit for his conversion goes to the prayers of his wife who died in the blast, a rosary in her hands. I recommend Nagai's book, The Bells of Nagasaki.

Obviously, we can never override someone’s free will, but how can an outpouring of love in the form of Masses, novenas, sacrifices, fasting, etc. not have an impact? How can begging the help of Jesus and Mary and of our loved ones' guardian angels and patron saints (and ours) not surround them with a cheering squad that’s hard to ignore? Will they let the grace work in their hearts? Even Christ couldn't save everyone so realistically some may not respond to our intercessory prayer, but that's no reason not to do all we can for those we love.

And so it seems to me that we are the answer to the question. Can we be happy in heaven if our loved ones aren't there? If we do everything we can for those we love, uniting our prayers and actions to the saving power of Jesus, I believe the likelihood of their salvation is increased -- ten fold? 100 fold? 1000 fold? Whether they are with us in heaven may depend on our zeal for their souls. And then at the final judgment, if we weren’t able to help save everyone, we will know we did our utmost. But I have a feeling that if we do all we can, we will stand rejoicing with our loved ones before the throne of God grateful that not a single soul among them was lost.

Jesus wasn’t able to save everyone. He died, as the consecration tells us, for “the many.” Those who refuse Him will do it with the desire to spend eternity with Lucifer. Hard to understand, but when you look at the diabolical evil here on earth with so many practicing satanism...well what can one say? That’s what some people choose.

I pray that none of our loved ones will reject God, and that they will all have the “Aha!” moment at the hour of death and reach with outstretched arms for Jesus, the Blessed Mother and all the angels and saints. Could Mary refuse to answer the call of a crying child saying, “Help me, Mama! Save me, Mama!” Would she not turn to her Son and beg for that soul? I have great confidence that all of our loved ones will be saved. Larry and I will certainly do everything we can for them. And then we will surrender it all to God. 

Every day we both pray the surrender novena, “O Jesus I surrender myself to You. Take care of everything!” And we trust that He will. We surrender our loved ones to Him with earnest prayers for their salvation. "Father, forgive them; they know not what they do."

And may we all meet merrily in heaven!