Narcissism on the Rise among Students

Study reveals rocketing sense of entitlement on U.S. campuses 
When kids hit the real world and find they're idea of themselves and their abilities is an inflated lie, what happens? "These young egotists can grow up to be depressed adults."

An excerpt from the article:

Despite a library's worth of self-help books promoting the idea we can achieve anything if we believe we can, there's very little evidence that raising self-esteem produces positive, real-world outcomes.

'If there is any effect at all, it is quite small,' said Roy Baumeister of Florida State University, who authored a 2003 paper on self-esteem studies. 

Baumeister found that while successful people did have high-self esteem in many cases, it was unclear what actual caused their success if the first place.

Both self-esteem and success were often influenced by another factor.
'Coming from a good family might lead to both high self-esteem and personal success.' Baumeister said. 'Self-control is much more powerful and well-supported as a cause of personal success. Despite my years invested in research on self-esteem, I reluctantly advise people to forget about it.' 

Twenge compared it to a swimmer trying to learn a turn who needs to believe that learning the skill is possible but who won't actually be aided in acquiring that skill by their belief.

Building Character in Toddlers

Remember the last time you did something you didn't want to do because you had a responsibility or because it was good for you? (Like going to the gym or taking a walk or studying Geometry!) We are character-building this week with two little three-year-olds and swim lessons.

Our daughter teaches swim class using a life-saving technique where toddlers swim to the wall and hang on. Hopefully, they will never actually need it, but there's at least one little boy alive today who rode a motorized toy jeep into the family pool and was rescued clinging to the side. (The woman who taught our daughter the method tells that story.)

But there's one part of the class that is difficult for both kids and parents. The instructor doesn't coax or convince the children to go under water or participate. The instructor takes them in the water and calmly goes through the routine which involves full submersion. She explains to them they need to kick and off they go, "One, two, three...under, bubbles, kick." The entire lesson for each child takes ten to fifteen minutes, but the class is longer because the little ones take turns. Three times to the wall, "Kick, kick, kick...reach up and grab the wall." Then twice going under to get rings on the bottom. There is a segment in the deep end where the child is dropped flat and kicks to the wall and reaches up to hold on, then twice dropped from the diving board to fall in the water and come up to the instructor then kick to the ladder. The regimen is repeated twice. Every class is exactly the same and the child knows what to expect after only a few repetitions. During the last class of the session the children jump in completely dressed to let them feel what it's like to be in the water in their clothes.

And, yes, there's plenty of fussing and crying. My daughter explains this to parents ahead of time so they'll exercise tough love and not let junior quit because it's hard and he doesn't like putting his head under water. By the third class most of the crying has stopped and the results are incredible! It's funny to see a little one climb up the ladder in the deep end crying and go right over to jump (or be dropped) off the diving board the second time.

A few years ago when Alice was teaching another group of our mostly three-year-old grandchildren, one little guy, Zack, would be crying and nodding his head yes when she asked if he wanted to go down and get the rings. And his cousin, Ryan, also three, was swimming so well at his community pool that adults were coming over to talk to his parents about how they did it.

However, when Alice tried to teach another grandchild at a public pool in Texas she had a woman insist she stop because Jonathan's crying was making her  "uncomfortable." Doesn't that describe our culture in a nutshell. "I don't care how important what you are doing is, it's making ME uncomfortable so stop it."

We all have to do a lot of things in life that we don't want to do. Like my grandchildren we whine and moan, "It's too hard....I'm too tired....It's too scary....I don't want to....I want Mommy!" Too many parents coddle their children and let children's feelings and fears determine what they will do. And, God forbid, they would never FORCE the poor little dears to do anything. Too bad!

Building character begins at birth and this week it begins in the pool. And every afternoon when classes are over and the popsicles are eaten, I take the little ones for playtime in the pool. Guess what game they want to play? "Under, bubbles, kick." There's a pride in conquering our fears that is the authentic foundation of self-esteem.

Thanks, Alice, for helping these little ones become water safe as early as possible and build character in the process!

For more photos of swim lessons go here.