Be Patient with Others, but First with Yourself!

This post continues my reflection on the virtue of patience which I've discussed here, here, and here. It may take me a long time to plumb the depths of this difficult virtue. 

I was reminded of patience in a recent conversation with a soccer coach I know.  He described one of his young players as being very hard on himself. Whenever the lad makes a mistake on the field he berates himself with self condemning statements. I don't know exactly what he says, but I can imagine, since many of us are also quick to condemn ourselves for our mistakes. Can you hear the refrain in your head?

• Why did I do that?
• Why did I say that?
• How could I be so stupid! 
• Why can't I do anything right?
• I'm an idiot!
• I wish I weren't so dumb!

We all know the second law after loving God is to "love your neighbor as yourself." I think that applies especially with the virtue of patience. Love encompasses all the virtues. A subset of love/charity is to be patient. Can we really love our neighbor if we impatiently blow him off refusing to listen? How often do sins like rudeness and irritability with others spring from impatience? I'm busy and can't be bothered. 

But how often do we treat ourselves in exactly the same way?

To be patient with others we need first to be patient with ourselves, not in a self-indulgent way and certainly not over our sins, especially mortal sins. We should strive to weed them out as quickly as possible. But God is patient with us even over those. St. Augustine, who had a problem with the sixth commandment, was slow to excise that sin. God continued to pursue Him and what a great saint he became despite lamenting that, "Late, have I loved Thee, O Beauty ever ancient ever new! Late have I loved Thee."

Spiritual directors often recommend that souls work on one thing at a time. Rather than make a resolution to "be a better person," it's more constructive to say. Every time I say a rude or impatient word, I will immediately offer a prayer for the victim of my rudeness in atonement.

At the Ignatian retreats I attended, Fr. Buckley recommended a focused examen. Pick one thing to work on and stick with it until the habitual problem disappears or is greatly reduced. That's one of the reasons I decided to meditate on 1 Corinthians 13 and take each of its elements, one at a time, and work on them as long as it takes. I fear It will be quite awhile before I graduate from patience to "love is kind." 

But, really, that is what patience is all about. And I'll walk with my guardian angel on the journey. Am I making any progress? I'm not sure, but I'm remembering to wake up saying "Love is patient!" and I repeat it often to myself throughout the day. I'm offering my waiting for the Poor Souls in Purgatory who are required to patiently await the Beatific Vision. I'm offering it for the salvation of family and friends, and even those, like abortionists and political tyrants, who fill me with revulsion. God loves them and desires their conversion. Shouldn't I imitate His patience and remember how patient He is with me?

Good actions begin with good thoughts. I will try to practice being patient with myself and others remembering to thank God for His patience with me and His grace of conversion.

May Jesus Christ be praised!