Please Don't Go; We Need You! A Message to Those Thinking about Suicide

Brendan our baby lover! Christmas 2017

Today marks four months since Brendan, our 18-year-old grandson, killed himself.

Four months!

How often I held that precious boy when he was four months old, rocking and feeding him his bottle while his mom worked. I used to put him down for his nap and sing to him while I ran my fingers lightly over his eyelids.

There were no tears then, thinking about him, just smiles. How I loved cuddling and singing and rocking and playing little games -- reaching out to touch his velvet skin, to pick him up out of the crib, to put him on my knee and "ride away to Boston to buy a penny cake."

On Retreat with Brendan

I just returned from my annual five-day silent retreat using the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius. I asked my blogging partners, Susan and Chriss, to fill in for me while I was gone and they did a stellar job of it. Thanks Chriss and Susan! And, really, you need to post more often.

Having the time and freedom to retreat from the world is a great gift. Doing it in silence is an even greater gift! I think of the movie a few years ago, Into Great Silence, about life in a Carthusian Monastery where the monks live in profound silence offering their lives and work for the glory of God and the salvation of souls. What a blessing it is to be engulfed, even for a few days, in profound silence.

I was awake and walking one morning before sunrise and heard the birds in symphony as they welcomed the new day. The wind was blowing rustling the leaves. I felt like I was hearing God's voice as Elijah did in the small whispering sound which is often lost in our noisy world.

Console Your Sorrowful Mother who Shares in the Passion of Her Son.

Have you ever wondered what words would console the aching heart of the Blessed Mother as she cradled her adorable Son in her arms, His body covered with the signs of His torture? 

I'm praying every day to Our Lady of Sorrows for our darling Brendan. Will you please join me? My greatest consolation right now is to imagine our sweet boy in Mary's loving arms. All you grandmothers in heaven, please intercede for Brendan and embrace him with the grandma hugs I can no longer give him. You patron saints and guardian angel of Brendan, pray for him and for us.

Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on Brendan and us.

Most Sorrowful and Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for Brendan and us.

St. Brendan, pray for Brendan and us.

St. Lawrence, pray for Brendan and us.

St. Patrick, Brendan's confirmation patron, pray for Brendan and us.

Guardian angels who watch over Brendan and everyone in our family, pray for Brendan and us.

A Christmas Tale of a Little Wise Man

I have a friend who has a grandson, Brendan (12), who's been battling leukemia for several years. He also has Downs Syndrome. His mom and grandad both have email lists of prayer warriors and I am fortunate to be on them. So when Brendan has a crisis I get a prayer alert and updates about what they are going through. I've been amazed and edified at the courage of this young man and his family. But I've also been blown away by Brendan's incredible wisdom. I wish I were as spiritually smart as this little victim soul.

My friend sent an email last year sharing a comment Brendan made about why he's going through this on-going battle with cancer. He told his mother that he's helping Jesus with his suffering so that more people will get into heaven.

Recently, Brendan's family had another scare. Brendan is undergoing chemo, but he had an unusual episode where he went catatonic. His eyes rolled up in his head and he just went unconscious which scared his poor mom out of her wits. After going to the emergency room and trying to figure out what was happening, they ended up talking to the psychiatrist who has worked with Brendan before to help him and his family cope.

Here's what my friend, a long-time pro-life activist, sent out to the list:

On Thursday, my grandson, Brendan, was at a clinic in Fairfax for chemo treatment through his central line, implanted months ago to use for administering his chemo. The line began to leak. We had hoped it had been repaired earlier in the week. The old central line was removed surgically, Friday at 12:30 , and a new one put in. This was done with great risks, but the surgery turned out to be successful.

After the surgery, a hospital psychiatrist visited Brendan about his fainting/catatonic fits he goes into when he’s stressed out.

A few minutes after the pleasantries, the doctor asked Brendan why he thought he was having these episodes. Brendan paused, turned and looked the doctor straight in the eyes and said: “Jesus blinds me with his light.” The doctor asked him if he thought this was a good or bad thing. Brendan said it is good because, “Jesus takes over fighting the cancer for me so I can take a rest. Then I wake up and I’m ready to fight cancer more.” This is an exact quote.

The doctor’s jaw dropped. He looked at Brendan’s parents who were speechless but indicated they had never, ever suggested this to him. The doctor said: "In all my 20 years as a doctor treating kids with psychological issues, I’ve never heard such a beautiful response from a kid…and to hear it at Christmas time. Wow!”

The doctor asked Brendan’s parents if they were ok with this and if so, to tell Brendan it was ok with them and they won’t worry about him when it happens again -which they did. The doctor told Brendan he’s great and that he was going to tell the hospital chaplain about “this wonderful patient."

All this, I am convinced, is attributable to your spiritual help. A million thanks to you for this help.

During this Christmas season will you take Brendan and his family to the Christmas crib and pray for the complete success of his chemo treatments? I have no doubt that you will be in this little saint's prayers as well because he has a spirit of gratitude for all the goodness of the people around him.

Christmas is about both giving and receiving. When the wise men travelled to Bethlehem they brought gifts for the Christ child, but what He gave them was worth far more. Your prayers for Brendan and his family will bless you beyond measure.