If you haven't read Stephen Baskerville's article on no-fault divorce in the blog post below, it's a good place to begin understanding the problem. I heard Phyllis Schlafly speak about no-fault divorce two years ago at a meeting of the Catholic Leadership Conference. She made the point that, just as the government destroyed the black family through welfare policies that threw dad out of the home and made Uncle Sam the single mom's sugar daddy, no-fault divorce is now driving middle class fathers out of the home, robbing them of their assets without trial, and, in many cases, unjustly depriving them of custody rights without due process, and sending their children into the booming foster care industry. Moms are also the target at times, but more rarely. In the process, government uses no-fault divorce to redistribute large amounts of income to custodial parents, lawyers, and government.
Unfortunately even the Catholic Church plays a wrong-headed role in the fiasco. Shouldn't the first line of defense in a Church that claims to value marriage as a lifetime commitment be to try to save the couple's relationship? Or at least examine the marriage to see if it was validly contracted in the first place? But no, marriage tribunals are not about saving marriages but dissolving them. Before a Catholic can even apply to the tribunal for review he/she has to have a finalized divorce. The system feeds Catholic spouses into the no-fault divorce mill which gives their marriage the survival likelihood of a snowball in hell. Where are the parish mentoring programs to strengthen spouses in their commitment? They're out there -- mostly in Protestant churches. Why are Catholics not leading the way in this area? Is a massive diocesan Development Campaign more important than a dioceses' families? Of course not, so we need to develop resources to help marriages before they disintegrate. Marriage counselors say a marriage is generally in trouble for six or more years before the final breakup. Let's encourage early intervention and promote more groups aimed at strengthening marriage particularly at the parish level.
To be fair there are a few CATHOLIC RESOURCES to help troubled marriages, but they are few and far between:
Mary's Advocates: working to establish a policy of covenant marriage in the Church where a couple agrees that in time of trouble they will seek reconciliation rather than divorce
Catholic Therapists
Retrouvaille: a weekend retreat for troubled marriages
Institute for Marital Healing While the practice is located in the Philadelphia area, the website offers many valuable articles relaing to challenges in marriage including addiction, abuse, etc.
Diocesan Catholic Charities sometimes offer counseling as well, but let the buyer beware. Some offices have little Catholic about them except the name.
And some GENERAL SOURCES:
Preventing Divorce
National Registry of Family Friendly Therapists
Marriage Savers
ARTICLES on No-Fault Divorce:
The No-Blame Game
A New ‘Fable of the Bees’ covers a broader area than marriage breakup, but has an excellent section on it within the article.
The Divorce Industrial Complex
MOVIES:
Not Easily Broken (I'm listing this with the qualifier that I haven't seen it. Check it out and let me know what you think.)
Fireproof
Pray for troubled marriages. Divorce is devastating to both adults and children. If you know a couple in trouble encourage them to get help.
For All,
ReplyDeleteFor those who believe in their vows:
FIGHT YOUR ANNULMENTS WITH THE VIGOR OF YOUR YOUNG PASSION!
INSIST THAT YOUR SECOND INSTANCE DECISIONS ARE SENT TO THE ROMAN ROTA ON APPEAL!
Stop in at Bai McFarlanes yahoo group and watch some marriages under attack and going through the Annulment game in the Catholic Church.
COMPLAIN TO YOUR PASTORS AND YOUR BISHOPS TO CHANGE THINGS FROM ENCOURAGING ANNULMENT TO ENCOURAGING
--------RECONCILIATION-----------
AS THE CHURCH WOULD HAVE YOU DO IF IT HAD NOT BECOME ENAMOURED WITH TRYING TO KEEP PEWS FILLED VIA THIS INDUCEMENT FOR DIVORCE.
Karl
an annulment survivor!