Back From Retreat and I'm Exhausted!

Not complaining, just explaining. Five days of silence was a real gift, but not, by any means,  a restful silence. One can be silent and working. Think of a Trappist monastery where the monks all pray (ora) and then go to their work in silence (labora). Some monks garden raising a crop to make jellies and jams. Some might suit up to work the apiary, checking the bees while praying for a sweet golden harvest. Some make fruit cake or roast and pack coffee beans. I once saw two monks up on ladders picking pecans at Clear Creek Abbey in Oklahoma. But all their work is wrapped in silence. 

Work and silence, that was my week. Mental work wrapped in silence: prime and compline every day singing in Latin. That was a challenge for me because I'm not familiar with it. Often I struggled to find the right place in the book. By the end of the retreat I improved, but tried to get to chapel with enough time to read the English translations before we began because the psalms are so beautiful. Hearing the lovely voices of all the other retreatants made me think of the dear Poor Clares in Alexandria where I often went to Mass and Benediction before we moved to the Valley.

One of the greatest blessings of the week involved my reacquaintance with past retreats. I took the most recent notebook with a history of my four last retreats, 2019-2022. It encompassed the difficult years of COVID and some other particular challenges, but also a record of God's gifts and blessing. Going back over that history filled me with gratitude especially for my past retreat master, Fr. James Buckley, FSSP. I begged his intercession often during the five days recalling so much good advice he gave me on those retreats, nineteen in all. I'm confident he still prays for me since his death in 2023. How could a good spiritual father not still be concerned about one of his daughters?

The final conference this year was one Fr. Buckley never gave, Contemplation to Attain the Love of God. It covered the four gifts God has given us.

• Those I've received in common with all men, especially creation and redemption. Even though all have received them, they are personal. As Father spoke I thought of St. Augustine. "God loves each of us as if there were only one of us." Father said that Jesus told St. Margaret Mary that He would have died if his death only benefited one soul. How can we not respond to such a love as that?

• The second gift God gives us is sanctifying grace. Aristotle said man can never be friends with the gods. He was a wise man, but a pagan without the experience of Divine Revelation and knowledge of Jesus Christ and the Trinity. Man can't be friends with God on his own, but God can raise man and give him a share in His divine nature. Father explained that a pure spirit cannot be divided so when God shares His nature with us, He shares all of Himself. That's why a person in the state of grace can be described as a "temple of the Holy Spirit." How can we not be in awe and humbled at the reality of the God of the universe wanting to live in us, to essentially make us a living tabernacle. Wow!

• The third gift, although less than the first two, is Divine Providence. God has given us everything in creation and all works together perfectly for our care. Life is fragile but God gives us a home divinely ordered to support our lives. And so much of it is simply for our delight. We don't need a garden filled with colorful flowers to keep us alive, or a heaven filled with stars to glorify the night; and yet God gives it to us. Every morning and every night God says "Do it again!" to the rising and setting sun and provides the glory of flaming skies. All is for our providence. He also chastises but only because He loves us. And every correction is to bring us closer to Himself, because He wants us united to Him. The goal of punishment isn't death to the sinner but conversion!

• The last gift is our personal talents. Do I use them to glorify God?

The proof of our love is in our deeds. Actions speak louder than words. If we love God we respond with action. That's where our gratitude displays itself. God has done so much for us. What am I willing to do for God? 

It's interesting that the retreat ended today on the feast of St. James who reminds us that faith is illustrated by our works. I remember Fr. Buckley repeating so often. "What have I done for Christ. What am I doing for Christ? What am I willing to for Christ." 

Good questions in a world so immersed in selfishness and sin.

So my final word? If you have a chance make a retreat. Make an Ignatian silent retreat. The wisdom of St. Ignatius can hardly be overstressed. He understands psychology and knows how to move the spirit to profound love for God. The meditations can move the stoniest heart. Father told a story about a problem priest whose bishop sent him to make the thirty day retreat in the early days when they were one on one for thirty days, mostly only for clergy. The priest repeated the first meditation on sin for 23 days, meeting his retreat master after each session without any change. Finally, on the 23rd day he began to experience conversion. What a wise bishop he had. Would that we all had such wise bishops.