When the Storm Seems to Overcome Us by its Violence

Something happened a few days ago that put me in a real funk. (Does anyone use that word today?) At any rate, it disturbed my sleep, raised my blood pressure, and continues to consume my thoughts. The irony is that it fits into those things I pray for in the Humility Prayer. So now I'm in the almost laughable situation of thanking God for something I absolutely hate because I basically asked for it -- funny, but not in a humorous way. At least I can't laugh yet, maybe later I will laugh at myself and move on. I can almost hear the Lord say, "Why are you taking this so seriously, foolish one. Take it up with your guardian angel. All will be well."

The first thing I did when it happened was to call the Poor Clare Sisters and ask for their prayers. It's always helpful to have allies on the field of battle. And, let's face it, the most difficult battles are within our own souls. St. Paul talks about it, the interior struggle against evil that makes us "groan and suffer." It threatens to capsize my little boat. "Wake up, Jesus, I need your help!" And His response is the same as he said to the apostles, basically, "Where is your faith?" Help my disbelief, Lord, my flesh is weak! And so I reflect on St. Paul:

12So then, brothers and sisters, we are under obligation, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh— 13for if you are living in accord with the flesh, you are going to die; but if by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the body, you will live. 14For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons and daughters of God. 15For you have not received a spirit of slavery [k]leading to fear again, but you have received [l]a spirit of adoption as sons and daughters by which we cry out, “Abba! [m]Father!” 16The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, 17and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him.

18For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us....22For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now. 23And not only that, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons and daughters, the redemption of our body. 24For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? 25But if we hope for what we do not see, through perseverance we wait eagerly for it. [Romans 8]

Isn't it a human failing to want to get back at those who hurt us? I've been praying constantly during every waking hour since I received the blow not to return evil for evil, not to be angry, not to hate, not even to dislike. After all, the masters of the spiritual life teach what an opportunity it is to be persecuted. In fact, those who persecute us deserve our thanks. But what a challenge! And how often I fail.

So yesterday morning I went out on the deck and looked up in the sky where the sun was just trying to peep through a heavy layer of clouds. That gave me a little perspective. 

The Sun/Son is always there, but sometimes we can't see it/Him through the gloom. Even in the worst storm the sun is still up there shining. We just don't see its light until the storm passes. The same is true of Jesus. Sometimes we experience His presence so intimately that we feel like we're on the cusp of heaven. But then the clouds roll in and we start crying, "Where are you, Lord? I thought you cared about me. Why are you allowing this?" That's when I need to trust and rest in silence and stillness in the hollow of His hand.

But it sure isn't easy. And, sad to say, those around us often suffer with us because of our own failure to simply rest in God's love, confident that He can use everything for our good. We've been kicked, so we kick the dog.

Please pray for me, readers. I know some of you are probably in a similar place and in great need of consolation and courage. Let us pray for one another. A rosary for you today and for myself walking in the footsteps of Our Lady of Sorrows.