Jesus goes into the confessional and tells the priest that He's perfect, that He's like God, that in fact He is God and likes babies and people and animals and the beautiful world He created, that He tries to guide each person to heaven, that He wants sinners to amend their lives and live with Him in heaven forever. The priest thinks, "Hmmmm - a bit prideful, isn't He. Pride is definitely a sin," so he gives Jesus His penance: "Do an act of mercy." Jesus then goes out of the confessional to heal the sick, make the blind see and the deaf hear. He raises the dead and then does the most merciful act of all - He dies on the cross so that we can be redeemed and live in heaven with Him for eternity.
The devil then goes into the confessional and tells the priest that he has compassion for all people and their rights, that he is a devoted social justice warrior, that he accompanies people on their earthly journey encouraging them to fight for their rights whatever they might be - the right to move about freely from country to country, the right to be themselves or change themselves into whatever they dream themselves to be, the right to be free from all burdens and authority, the right to think and speak as they want.
