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Monday, May 24, 2021

Muhammad, Knock, Knock, Knocking on Heaven's Door

(God's voice is in red, Satan's voice is in fuchsia, Dante's voice is in blue)

Knock, knock!

Who's there?

It's ME! Muhammad! 

Muhammad who? 

Muhammad the Prophet! (peace be upon me)

Silence ensues as God consults Himself then says, These are the Gates of Heaven. Go thee down that other path which thou hast walked whilst on earth. Knock there and Lucifer will let thee enter. 

Muhammad trots down to the Gates of Hell.

Knock, knock! 

Who the hell is there?!


Immediately the Gates of Hell spring open, then Lucifer says, Welcome, Muhammad. Well done, my good and faithful servant. Enter! All that I possess is yours. 

Oh hi, Allah, it's you! Great to see you again! Where're my 72 virgins!? 
Right this way. (heh heh)

Muhammad's excitement radiates through the air as the door to the Chamber of Virgins slides open. Tearing at his robe Muhammad races in...then disappears into the infinite realm of Inferno's Eighth Circle, to be mutilated and split in half with his entrails hanging out, eternally speaking the words: See now how I rend me!