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Saturday, May 16, 2015

Are You Willing to Suffer for Your Marriage?

Marriage is no piece of cake and it's becoming harder with the relentless assaults against it. I recently read an insightful article on the marriage battle and this paragraph really hit a chord:
Those manning the barricades describe themselves as "defending marriage." That is a deep inaccuracy: marriage, as an institution, was surrendered quite some time ago. Today's battles are not about marriage but simply about dividing the spoils of its destruction. It is too late to defend marriage. Rather than being defended, marriage needs to be taught and lived. The Church needs to be willing to become the place where that teaching occurs as well as the place that can sustain couples in the struggle required to live it. Fortunately, the spiritual inheritance of the Church has gifted it with all of the tools necessary for that task. It lacks only people who are willing to take up the struggle.
Are you willing to suffer for your marriage? Did you mean it when you promised to stick it out "for better or worse?"  Here's another paragraph to contemplate:
The classical Christian marriage belongs to the genre of martyrdom. It is a commitment to death. As Hauerwas notes: faithfulness over the course of a life-time defines what it means to “love” someone. At the end of a faithful life, we may say of someone, “He loved his wife.”
Do you truly love? Or did you make a mental reservation on your wedding day to stick with it as long as things weren't too difficult?

The best thing you can do for marriage today is be a witness to its permanence. Love is a decision not a feeling.


Anonymous said...

Am I willing? By posting this the Holy Spirit gave me the word I needed to be willing, though I've had my eye on the front door wanting to exit for a while now. Yes, I meant it when I took my vow many years ago-- I just never knew how costly and humanly impossible it would become..
Thank You

newguy40 said...


Running up to 25 years with my one and only sacramentaly married spouse. Of course there is suffering. Try loving and raising a family if you want to know suffering.

Mom and Dad married 25 years. Sister married 25+ years. Both sets of grandparents married 50 years.

"You shall accept all sufferings with love. Do not be afflicted if your heart often experiences repugnance and dislike for sacrifice. All its power rests in the will, and so these contrary feelings, far from lowering the value of sacrifice in My eyes, will enhance it.
--as told to St. Faustina

What is impossible for man and woman alone is not only possible but a certainty with God.

Mary Ann Kreitzer said...

I'll be praying for you, Anonymous. Life really is a "vale of tears." I thought it would become easier as I got older and my children left home, but the sufferings just change.

Let's pray for each other.

Thank you for Sister Faustina's quote, newguy. It really is in the will. If everyone acted on their feelings what a world of chaos we would live in.

Anonymous said...

I will pray for Anonymous, too. At times I felt as he or she did also, but although both my husband and I came from broken homes, we managed to stay together for over fifty years.

Now that we are enjoying our grandchildren, it was worth it, and it set an example for our children, who have only been married once too.

Also, Newguy 40 is very lucky to have come from such an intact family. That is rare now. His quote (I am assuming Newguy is a "he")is right about love being in the will.

From California

Mary Ann Kreitzer said...

I often think how much we owe to our parents who stuck it out through thick and thin. Larry and I both came from large families. He was on of eleven and I was also one of eleven. His family lost two children, one at three months and one at 14 months. My mom lost a baby at term. They were certainly well acquainted with suffering. And it certainly was not easy for either family. But our parents were faithful and every Sunday we filled up the church pew in our respective parishes. Thanks, Mom and Dad. I look forward to the day I can say that to you face to face!

newguy40 said...

You know, at times I do think about how blessed I was to be baptized and recieved my first holy communion at my parents but especially my mom's efforts. I went thru my first holy communion when V2 started to get traction. I can still hear my mom complain about "Guitar Masses" not too mention the loss of veils. I don't know of any of my high school or college friends who remained with their first wives. When I got married the first and only time my best friend from HS was just getting on to his second wife. He was/is Catholic.

I'm sorry if my first response came across as flippant. Anon speaks of the human cost to a marriage and that is about all we can see now. I wish I had some better advice other than the simple quote I gave.