JP Sears and Brent Pella, AP sports reporters
THE ASSOCOATED PRESS HAS JUST ANNOUNCED
2021 RULES FOR FOOTBALL
Quotes from their stellar reporting on the game between the left-wing Warriors and terrorist Colluders
"Rules are just an inconsequential formality".
"We came out as the clear victors."
"This is a glorious day for the sport of football."
"Colluders refusing to leave the field and accept defeat. Vacate the field!"
"The Warriors have won because we said they did! A truly inspiring story because we say it is."
"You can't not believe this because everyone knows and for you not to know would make you know that you're crazy."
"They are unquestionably your new champions."
"Now is a good time to learn Mandarin."