Wednesday, June 8, 2016
Topsy and Tuptim Do New York with St. Benedict
Tuptim: (Standing at the railing watching the Lady with the Lamp draw closer) I wanted to see the Statue of Liberty one more time and remember what the country used to be like when our immigrant ancestors came through Ellis Island.
Topsy: (Catching her hat from the wind and tightening the strap) On both sides of my family, we're only a few generations back from Germany and Ireland. In fact my grandfather on my mom's side was born in Ireland, but his parents were American citizens. I'm not sure when Mom's family came over.
Tuptim: Think of all those people fleeing persecution and starvation. (Pauses) Where is there to go today?
Topsy: To jail I think for being insensitive to the gender confused.
Tuptim: If I didn't know people like the mayor were serious, I'd think all this 31 gender stuff was a spoof article from The Onion. How can sensible people make a policy to accommodate a miniscule percentage of the population who are clearly mentally deranged?
Topsy: (Looking around quickly) Shhh...we're liable to be thrown into the Bay for being intolerant gender-phobes! And what makes you think they're sensible? De Blasio is obviously a loon. Hmm...more than that, I think. I wonder if he's possessed.
Tuptim: (shrugging) Maybe. By the way, I now know why purple is the transgender color. I watched a video early this morning when I couldn’t sleep. Apparently the color for woman is blue and for man it’s red so a combination of the two is purple. I just learned those colors for man and woman. I thought they were pink and blue - which would also make purple, right? But the video said those colors were for girl and boy. (Sighs) Anyway..now we can’t wear purple anymore.
Topsy: (Laughing) Baloney! When I was home schooling, one of the moms said the Smurfs were all about the occult and blue was the color of magic. She was also lamenting that we couldn't use the rainbow any more. (Holds up her hand as if taking an oath) I won’t give the rainbow to the gays or Mary's color blue to the occult and I sure won’t give purple and lavender to the gender tyrants. My crayon box is full and it’s staying that way!
Tuptim: (Takes a handful of St. Benedict medals out of her pocket) These are blessed. I love using sacramentals. I also brought holy water. We can sprinkle all the bathrooms we use. And why don't we plant these all over the city and pray for the protection of families wherever we go while we're here -- especially in bathrooms. We can tape the medals in obscure places they won't be found.
Topsy: What a great idea! Did you know these are called "devil chasing" medals. (She takes one from Tuptim and turns it over.) Look, see the motto, "Vade retro satana." Do you know what that means? (Tuptim shakes her head.) It means, "Step back, Satan."
Tuptim: Neat! I didn't know that. Of course the medal has no special power on its own. It's not a lucky rabbit's foot, but the saint does and by using this we show our honor and devotion to him and request his help. And, of course, the blessing has power. I always wear or carry a blessed object.
Topsy: A friend of mine who was the director of a crisis pregnancy center, planted St. Benedict medals in the walls of an abortion mill that was being remodeled next door to her center. She made friends with the builders and went in and put them between the walls before they put up the sheet rock. They've saved dozens of babies targeted for killing at that mill. I'm sure St. Benedict is helping them.
Tuptim: Wow! I'm even more glad I brought these. (As the ferry pulls into the dock) Let's start by planting several here on the island in the flower beds. St. Benedict, please pray for every person who sets foot on this island and who has ever set foot on this island, especially our family members and ancestors.
Topsy: Amen, sister!