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Wednesday, October 25, 2017

Your End-Times IQ Exam

I love James Finn Garner. Recently I got his Apocalypse Wow! A Memoir for the End of Time off the shelf. In it he has a six-page Doomsday Final Exam with 24 questions and his multiple choice answers. The book was published in 1997 - twenty years ago - so I thought a bit of updating to 2017 would be fun.

1) What are the names of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse?
     a. War, Famine, Pestilence, and Death
     b. Jim, Ted, Blase, and Jorge 
     c. USCCB, LCRW, CCHD, and HRC
     d. Godfried, Christoph, Reinhard, and Walter 

2) The number of the Beast of the Apocalypse is
     a. 666
     b. 405 E 42 NYC
     c. 24231 SA
     d. 224 W 57 NYC

3) What is meant by the term Rapture?
     a. The ascension of all true Christians before the beginning of the strife and tribulation caused by the Antichrist
     b. The feeling you get when you turn off CNN
     c. The euphoria you felt when Hillary lost
     d. A new fragrance from Ivanka

4) Who is the Whore of Babylon mentioned in the Book of Revelation?
     a. The Pope
     b. "Amorous" Laetitia
     c. Lisbeth Salander
     d. A certain favorite "aide" to Francesco Cardinal Coccopalmerio

5) Eleventh-century monk St Malachy recorded a prophecy of the history of the popes by writing a series of
     a. cryptic mottos for each
     b. heretical post-synodal apostolic exhortations for each
     c. airplane speeches for each
     d. Filial Corrections for each

6) Which of the following does not appear in the Book of Revelation?
     a. the Beast
     b. the False Prophet
     c. the Dragon
     d. Climate change 

7) In the Book of Revelation to whom did God give "two        wings of a great eagle"? (Rev 12:14)
     a. The Blessed Mother / the Church
     b. The Holy Spirit
     c. The Pope's airplane
     d. George Soros' Nuns on the Bus

8) Who wrote the Apocalypse and where?     
     a. St John the Evangelist, on Patmos
     b. The Jesuits, in Buenos Aires, Argentina
     c. Fr James Martin, SJ, on top of a bridge
     d. "Smoochie" the Jorge Whisperer, on a path somewhere while healing his mouth by artfully kissing

9) What are the colors of the four horses in Chapter 6?
     a. White, red, black, and pale
     b. Rainbow - Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, violet
     c. Pink
     d. Laudato si' green

10)  What is the name of the great burning star that fell from Heaven after the third Angel sounded the trumpet?
       a. Wormwood
       b. Fatima
       c. Chernobyl
       d. Sankt-Gallen



1 comment:

CCR said...

This is FUNNY!

A NOTE: The Jesuits on Buenos Aires, Argentina did not write the Apocalypse but they are very busy implementing it. Also, the strange beasts described in the Apocalypse of St John are described in Liberation Zoology.

:)