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Thursday, March 16, 2017

Topsy and Tuptim to the Rescue

Another victim of liberal tolerance! Photo from
Southern Counties News
[The following scenario was inspired by a real event. You can read about it here.]

Topsy and Tuptim are eating at a local restaurant, the Tasty Tie. Nearby a man is dining alone...well, not quite alone. He's holding his miniature poodle on his lap as he eats. Topsy and Tuptim are just ordering drinks and chatting.

Topsy: Say, Tuptim, isn't that man with the poodle over there the radio personality, Mickey Maul? I listen to his show whenever I can. . He pulls no punches. I'm surprised, though. He looks older than I thought.

Tuptim: (Looking) You're right. That is him! You know he's 75, right? How do you expect him to look? (She chuckles as she sees Mickey give the dog a bite of his dinner.) He seems pretty tame for someone whose show is as savage as his is sometimes. He can be a little over the top.

Topsy: Maybe...I mean he's definitely opinionated, but I think he's really smart and he was totally on target when he said this transgender lunacy will destroy our society. Think of these moms who feed their little sons lines like "I know in my heart I'm really a girl." What child talks like that? 

Tuptim: (Nodding) I agree. When my son was five  He told us he was a school bus. Maybe I should have taken him down to the local garage to get an oil change. 

Topsy: That's nothing, my daughter wanted to be a snow man. Guess I should have stuck her in the freezer.

Tuptim: (Feigning horror) That would be child abuse!

Topsy: No more than what those parents are doing to their poor kids. Most children go through stages like little girls wanting to marry their dads and little boys wanting to marry their moms. It's a stage they grow out of. Some kids are disturbed and need outside intervention, but not many. Oh look Mickey's leaving. (She sees him stand with a bag of food in one hand and his toy poodle in the other.) Darn! I was hoping to get his autograph.

Tuptim: Whoa... (in an anxious tone)...see that guy? He looks angry and he's heading for Mickey...and I don't think he wants his autograph. 

A large man about 6'5" barrels toward Mickey with clenched fists. He towers over Mickey who is only 5'6". 

Man: (In angry tone.) Are you Mickey Maul? [unleashes a string of profanity].

Mickey: I don't know you. Go away.

Man: The hell I will! [He grabs the dog and flings him across the room, then knocks Maul to the ground and continues pummeling him.]

Topsy and Tuptim spontaneously jump up from their table, running over to the scuffle, and talking at once 

Topsy: Leave him alone! 

Tuptim: (screaming) Somebody help! 

The man pushes Topsy away (she's grabbed his arm) and knocks down Maul who is trying to get up. A good Samaritan comes over and intervenes. 

Samaritan: Back off, Buddy. (The man punches him in the face before he's subdued.)

Mickey: (dials 911 on his cell phone) This isn't over, friend.

Topsy: (Ruefully to Tuptim who picks up the little dog and pets him while Maul talks to the police dispatcher) No it isn't over! Liberals' religion of self-indulgence is threatened and their blood lust is up.

Tuptim: That's for sure. I've been reading more and more accounts of people being attacked for wearing pro-Trump T-shirts or daring to support conservatives at town hall meetings. It's starting to look like chaos.

Topsy: What do you think is coming next? Guns, machetes, and the guillotine

Tuptim: I wish I thought that was a joke.


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